5. A campervan Christmas in Somerset: tractors, -3C and illness

Two dead batteries, a hotel breakfast we will never speak of again, a man with a 150 decibel voice, a Christmas bug, a night alone in the cold, and a Boxing Day tractor rally that nobody mentioned. Not quite the festive campervan trip we had imagined. Entirely worth writing about.

We're Kate and Charlie — mid-fifties, one anxious dog called Huffle, one fifteen-year-old Peugeot Boxer campervan called Brigitte, and absolutely learning as we go. Whether you have a campervan or a motorhome, if you're new to this or thinking about it, come with us.

IN A HURRY? THE SHORT VERSION  |  Things we learned from our Christmas campervan trip:

(1) Check your leisure battery and van battery early — especially if the van has been sitting on a forecourt.

(2) Always research what events are happening near where you plan to park overnight.

(3) Know where your glasses are before you need them in the dark. Glasses clips on the sun visor are the solution.

(4) A sleep hat and a good fleece wrap will see you through a cold night if the heating is unavailable.

(5) Always carry an extra blanket.

Before the trip - the battery situation

In the weeks before Christmas we had been doing local day trips in Brigitte, getting to know the van rather than going anywhere ambitious. On one of these trips we noticed that the solar panel did not appear to be charging the leisure battery. Further investigation revealed that the leisure battery was not performing well. Neither, it turned out, was the van battery itself.

Both needed replacing. An unexpected cost, but a necessary one. If a campervan or motorhome has been sitting on a forecourt for any significant time before you buy it, the batteries are worth checking early in your ownership. The team at Somerset Motorhomes immediately sorted the leisure battery for us - which was good of them — and we covered the cost of the van battery.

What we learned:  Get your leisure battery and van battery checked shortly after purchase, particularly if the vehicle has been standing. Do not wait until something fails to find out there is a problem. Early discovery is always cheaper than late discovery.

The plan - a campervan Christmas in Somerset

There was not enough room to stay with family in Somerset over Christmas. The campervan was the obvious solution

We had arranged to park in the car park of a local hotel on the understanding that we would come in for breakfast the next morning. This seemed like a reasonable deal. We would have somewhere safe to park. They would have our breakfast business.

The breakfast was, and we will be concise about this, not good. The food was poor. The service was indifferent. The atmosphere contained precisely no Christmas cheer whatsoever. There was also a man at the adjacent table with a voice of such extraordinary volume that normal conversation was impossible. We estimate somewhere in the region of 150 decibels. He was apparently unaware of this. We were very aware of it.

We have stayed in some average places in our time. This breakfast ranks among the most cheerless experiences we have had in a hospitality setting, which is saying something given that we ran a cafe for seven years and have strong opinions about what a good breakfast looks and feels like.

What we learned:  If you are negotiating a hotel car park stay in exchange for breakfast, do a small amount of research about the hotel first. Not all breakfasts are equal. Some are very much not equal.

Christmas night — the bug, the cold and the glasses

It was minus three overnight. This we discovered rather than planned for. And then, on Christmas night itself, Charlie developed a bug. Properly ill - the kind that makes a cold campervan an unkind place to spend the night. He checked himself into the hotel.

This left Kate alone in the van in minus three degrees with the dog.

Kate attempted to turn the heating on. In the dark, without her glasses, the control panel was unreadable. She could not find her glasses. She spent some time feeling around for them - they were not where she thought they were, they were not where she sometimes put them, they were, eventually, discovered somewhere entirely inexplicable.

By the time the heating was on, considerable time and a certain amount of calm had been expended. It was, she will tell you, a bit grim.

Since that night we have bought glasses clips - small spring-loaded clips that fix onto the sun visors of the van. Our glasses now live there when we are not wearing them. They are always exactly where we think they are. This sounds like a small thing and it is, genuinely, a small thing, but at midnight in the dark in minus three it would have been enormously useful.

Kettle & Keys tip:  Glasses clips for the sun visor are a genuinely practical purchase for anyone of a certain age who wears glasses and spends time in a van. They cost very little and solve a problem that you will encounter exactly once before you buy them and never again afterwards. [LINK]

Kate had her sleep hat. She had the Yeti - the hooded fleece wrap that lives in the van and does more jobs than any single item should reasonably be expected to do. She was warm enough. She was fine. She was also, by morning, considerably more self-sufficient than she had perhaps fully appreciated.

What we learned:  Know where your glasses are before you need them in the dark. Glasses clips on the sun visor are the solution. Buying them costs less than a cup of coffee and prevents a genuinely frustrating experience at an already inconvenient moment.

Boxing Day morning - the tractor rally

Kate woke on Boxing Day morning to discover that she and the van were hemmed in. Completely. On all sides.

Overnight, a Boxing Day tractor rally had materialised in the hotel car park. Dozens of tractors - magnificent, enormous, decorated for the occasion - had arranged themselves around Brigitte with no apparent awareness that there was a campervan in their midst that might need to leave at some point.

Nobody had mentioned this was happening. The hotel had not mentioned it. The booking had not mentioned it. The car park had given no indication the previous evening that it was about to become a tractor exhibition.

The tractors were genuinely magnificent. The situation was entirely surreal. Kate stood in the car park in her sleep hat on Boxing Day morning, surrounded by decorated farm vehicles, and started laughing. Sometimes that is the only appropriate response.

Charlie emerged from the hotel room, somewhat recovered. The tractors were eventually navigated. Brigitte was extracted. We drove home to Cornwall.

What we learned:  Always check what events are happening near where you plan to park overnight — particularly on dates like Boxing Day when local traditions can produce unexpected car park occupants. A quick search of local events before you commit to a location takes thirty seconds and can prevent a morning of tractor-related delay.

Daydream vs reality

Daydream:  A cosy, festive campervan Christmas with fairy lights and a wreath on the barn doors, parked peacefully in the Somerset countryside.

Reality:  No decorations, minus three, a grim hotel breakfast, a 150 decibel neighbour, a Christmas bug, a night alone without glasses, and a Boxing Day tractor siege. Charlie survived. Brigitte survived. Kate more than survived.

Daydream:  A triumphant demonstration that campervanning in winter is entirely manageable.

Reality:  It is entirely manageable. Just not always in the way you imagined. The sleep hat helped. The Yeti helped. The glasses clips would have helped considerably.

Things we used on this trip

Everything mentioned in this post, linked below.

The cold night kit

Sleep hat — soft cotton beanie  On the head, warmth retained, no debate. The single most useful cold night purchase.  [LINK]

The Yeti — M&S hooded fleece wrap  Three jobs in one item. Kate's cold night companion. See the warm bed post for more. [LINK]  [LINK]

Extra blanket  Always carry one. Always. The night you need it is the night you do not have it.  [LINK]

The glasses solution

Glasses clips for sun visor  Spring-loaded clips that hold your glasses on the visor. Always exactly where you need them.  [LINK]

The battery lesson

Leisure battery (check yours early)  If your van has been sitting, get it tested. Early discovery is always better.  [LINK]

Kate, Charlie, Huffle & Brigitte

Kettle & Keys

comfort, wherever you park up.

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